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Middle Age
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 | A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police. |
| Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier. |
| You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise. |
| I don't date women my age. There aren't any. (Milton Berle) |
| Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. |
| Don't take life so seriously ... it's not permanent. |
| The trouble with life is, by the time you can read a girl like a book, your library card has expired. (M. Berle) |
| As for me, except for an occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did. (Robert Benchley) |
| The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress. |
| As we grow older year by year, my husband always mourns: the less and less we feel our oats, the more we feel our corns. |
| I have everything I had 20 years ago, only it's all a little bit lower. (Gypsy Rose Lee) |
| You're getting old when getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot. |
| You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started. |
| You're getting old when tying one on means fastening your MedicAlert bracelet. |
| You're getting old when you don't care where your wife goes, just so you don't have to go along. |
| You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before. |
| Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news-- the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac. |
| It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything. |
| You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas. |
| Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I spent all my money. |
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